Mastering Coaching Up and Laterally
Mastering Coaching Up and Laterally: The DESI Framework for Leaders
Coaching is often thought of as something that happens between a leader and their team members, but what happens when the person who could benefit from coaching is your boss or peer? Can coaching upwards or laterally be effective, or is it just a path to conflict? The answer is yes. Coaching can be just as impactful with colleagues at the same level or those above you. In fact, I would argue it's necessary for creating a culture of growth, collaboration, and trust. You want to be careful not to come across as challenging their authority or undermining them but rather as offering constructive, thoughtful feedback to improve the working dynamic for both of you.
Ask yourself, 'So what?' Why are you bringing this up, and what is the impact on you, the team, the project, or the organization? Is your motive pure?
Plan your conversation and use the framework noted below.
Practice what you want to say and be mindful of your tone.
Have more than one idea to present.
Discuss without the expectation for change.
Invite your boss/peer to share what their ideas are.
Whether you're in a formal leadership position or looking to improve your working relationships, understanding how to coach effectively upwards, laterally, and across teams can lead to stronger dynamics, enhanced trust, and improved outcomes. The DESI Peer Coaching Framework provides a structured approach that allows leaders to offer feedback and give suggestions respectfully, professionally, and collaboratively. Here's how you can use it to navigate difficult coaching conversations, whether your boss needs coaching or you want to help a peer succeed.
The DESI Peer Coaching Framework: A Simple, Effective Tool for Leadership
DESI is a practical approach that helps you provide valuable feedback in a way that strengthens relationships rather than creates tension or resistance. Here's how to apply the framework in your coaching conversations:
D – Disarm & Set a Supportive Tone
The first step in coaching, especially when the person you're coaching has more authority, is to disarm any potential defensiveness. Setting a supportive tone from the beginning is crucial to clarify that your feedback is meant to support, not challenge. Establishing a positive, collaborative foundation makes it easier for your boss or peer to hear and accept your insights.
How to Apply:
Start the conversation by acknowledging the value of the person you're addressing and expressing your respect for their leadership. This will set a constructive tone right from the start.
Example Phrases:
"I respect the direction you're taking us in. May I share a thought that could contribute to us getting there effectively??"
"I admire the way you approach [aspect of their work]. Do you mind if I offer a suggestion that might help?"
"I appreciate what you're doing. May I have permission to be completely honest with you about an [observation, suggestion, or concern] I have?"
E – Establish Common Ground
Once you've set a supportive tone, establish that you and your boss (or peer) are on the same team working towards the same goal. This is key when coaching up or laterally. Highlighting that you're aligned in your objectives reinforces that you're not coming from a place of competition but from a desire to collaborate and improve the shared outcome.
How to Apply:
Reaffirm shared goals early in the conversation to demonstrate that you're both working toward the same objectives, whether it's the success of the team, the project, or the organization.
Example Phrase:
"We both want the best for the team and the company. I think we could get there even faster; may I share my idea with you?"
"I value your leadership, and we both want to ensure the project runs smoothly. I have a suggestion that could improve the process and help us work more seamlessly together. Is it okay to share?"
S – Share Insights, Not Instructions
Coaching up or laterally requires offering insights, not instructions. Instead of telling your boss or colleague exactly what they should do, share your perspective, experiences, and how you've seen similar situations work well. Or maybe you're the 'voice' for the team, and multiple people have come to you with feedback because they believe you have more influence over the boss. This approach keeps the conversation collaborative rather than directive and shares insight or risks they may not have considered.
How to Apply:
Frame your feedback as a suggestion based on your own experiences, making it clear that you're offering an option, not a directive. This invites discussion and keeps the dialogue open.
Example Phrase:
"I've worked on similar projects before and found that [suggestion] can be effective. What do you think about trying that here?"
"I've been hearing feedback or concerns from various people, which made me think we overlooked something or didn't communicate effectively. May I share the concerns and suggestions with you?"
I – Invite Dialogue & Collaboration
Coaching is not a one-way street; it's a dialogue. Encourage an open exchange of ideas, ask for feedback, and listen to your boss or peer's perspectives. Don't expect a change now; they may need time to consider things. Creating a space for open dialogue creates an environment of mutual respect and allows both parties to collaborate and learn from one another.
How to Apply:
Ask their thoughts on your suggestion/concern and encourage them to share their ideas. This makes the feedback process a two-way conversation rather than just you delivering instructions.
Example Phrase:
"I'd love to hear your thoughts on this idea. What's your perspective on how this could fit our current strategy?"
"Do you think we should adjust or approach or have further conversations to ensure we covered all our bases?"
When your boss or peer sees that your motivation is focused on improvement for the team, the organization, and their own success, not self-interest, they'll come to respect the perspective and value you bring.The key is approaching these conversations with respect, professionalism, and a clear focus on mutual benefit. Coaching upwards doesn't mean challenging authority; it's about offering constructive feedback to improve the team dynamic, advance the project, and drive success for the entire organization. Similarly, coaching laterally helps create a collaborative culture where everyone works toward the same goals.
Why Coaching Up and Laterally Matters
In the long run, the DESI framework doesn't just solve immediate communication issues; it transforms the culture. Over time, it fosters a team that is self-reflective, growth-oriented, and collaborative. It helps break down silos, encourages continuous learning, and builds a culture where feedback is both given and received freely. This contributes to better results, stronger relationships, and more engaged employees.
Relationship building and respectful communication are at the core of successful coaching; they give you access—up, down, or laterally. The DESI Framework helps you navigate the complexities of coaching with grace and tact, ensuring that all parties feel heard, respected, and empowered. If you want to learn more about applying the DESI Framework and establishing a growth mindset in your organization or improving your leadership development, click here.
